Question

Проверьте, пожалуйста, на грамотность. Actually, I'm a melomaniac. I really like rock and pop music. Sometimes I listen to country music. I think that it is neccesary to have music lessons at school. You see, the art helps people to grow as persons. It gives them an opportunity to express themselves in various ways. I'm sure it is important. By the way, I would like to play the guitar. My best friend is a musocian so she may give me some lessons.

Answer 1

You see, the art helps people to grow as persons. я бы убрала the. Обычно этот артикль используется когда говорим о какой то определенной, конкретной вещи. Здесь имеется в виду искусство вообще. 
persons нет такого слова, множественное число people

Answer 2

Проверьте, пожалуйста, на грамотность:

"Actually, I'm a melomaniac. I really like rock and pop music. Sometimes I listen to country music. I think that it is necessary to have music lessons at school. You see, art helps people to grow as individuals. It gives them an opportunity to express themselves in various ways. I'm sure it is important. By the way, I would like to play the guitar. My best friend is a musician, so she may give me some lessons."